Quitting Conqueror Gifts

'You're meant to take off the old nicotine patches before putting on a new one!'

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

Editor.

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

"That's the Ommbudsman."

"Where do you see yourself in five moves?"

"Frank?"

"The quality of the writing is an embarrassment, it has no style, no fluency, no soul!"

"I ran out of answers before she ran out of questions."

'Don't internalise that simmering rage -- get it out of your system on website comments sections.'

Commuter reads book entitled: Commuters for Dummies.

"This Bounty is useless against the Quicker Messer Maker."

"It looks like burn out to me."

'Good news! We've finished the Christmas leftovers.'

"...And there has been a rapid decline in the number of complaints."

"That's really bad. Tell your parents it's fake news."

Angry tennis player.

'I wanna get out of the rat race, spend more time with the kids and finally nail them at monopoly.'

Man with world on his shoulders

'It's not my job to argue with you, sir. So, I'm turning you over to Mrs Yomp.'

"Thanks for the interview. And, you're definitely on my shortlist."

"Who do I complain to about your complaint department?"

"These IT guys are really intimidating I mean just look at the focus the concentration...I wonder what he's working on?"

"I'm not angry with you, I'm angry with life!"

"My new time machine is also fantastic if I want to take back a move."

'Our product flooded the market...before backing up in a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"The slave Spartacus has picked this week's lottery numbers!"

Due to a rise in raw materials, higher energy charges and labour increases, there will be no box lunches this year.

Broken Leg

A bottle opener is stuck at the bottom of a bottle of beer.

Telemarketing dials it up a notch.

The Clever Clogs Quiz: Procrastination.