Quirky Wine Lover Gifts

"I want a wine that's wise but unassuming, and not ashamed of a screw on cap."

'A cheeky red?'

Wine Lady

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

'Not one customer all day! What's the matter with this corner?'

'Rotgut whiskey is much more festive served with a paper umbrella, don't you think?'

the Lesser-known Nogs

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

'House red please.'

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

"Tuna Colada"

"I don't have candy, but I have bread and wine."

'No, I cannot turn water into wine...'

"What wine would you recommend to go with male chauvinist pork?"

We're diversifying. Behold: chicken eggnog!

'You know, our collection of bottle bags is worth more than our collection of wines.'

Angelic Wine

Swine List

"Your martini, sir, with iceberg lettuce."

'Of course you feel unwell. You have too much blood in your alcohol stream!'

'If the pesticides, herbicides and fungicides keep us from selling this as wine, how about we go into the nightlight business?'

"We finally get all the caffeine out, but now it's loaded with nicotine."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great wines for under $5.00 a bottle.'

'The art is only so-so, but the California white wine is quite acceptable.'

"Dinner is poured."

'Can I interest anyone in a Chateauneuf-du-Popsicle?'

Life gives you rutabagas- make rutabaga-ade.

'Wine for Left-Handed Women from North Phoenix, Who Wear Glasses and Like Cats? Sorry, we only have from South Phoenix.'