Quirky Wine Lover Pillows

"I want a wine that's wise but unassuming, and not ashamed of a screw on cap."

'A cheeky red?'

Wine Lady

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

'Not one customer all day! What's the matter with this corner?'

'Rotgut whiskey is much more festive served with a paper umbrella, don't you think?'

the Lesser-known Nogs

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

'House red please.'

"Tuna Colada"

"I don't have candy, but I have bread and wine."

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

Angelic Wine

Swine List

"This wine has hints of rebellion with a lingering finish of rugged individuality - did you buy this to defy me?"

"What wine would you recommend to go with male chauvinist pork?"

'You know, our collection of bottle bags is worth more than our collection of wines.'

'No, I cannot turn water into wine...'

We're diversifying. Behold: chicken eggnog!

"Your martini, sir, with iceberg lettuce."

'If the pesticides, herbicides and fungicides keep us from selling this as wine, how about we go into the nightlight business?'

'Of course you feel unwell. You have too much blood in your alcohol stream!'

"We finally get all the caffeine out, but now it's loaded with nicotine."

'Can I interest anyone in a Chateauneuf-du-Popsicle?'

'The art is only so-so, but the California white wine is quite acceptable.'

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great wines for under $5.00 a bottle.'

"Dinner is poured."

Life gives you rutabagas- make rutabaga-ade.

'Wine for Left-Handed Women from North Phoenix, Who Wear Glasses and Like Cats? Sorry, we only have from South Phoenix.'