Quirky Tipper T-Shirts

'I don't have any cash on me so will you accept some fresh produce from my garden instead.'

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'Is the water cold?'

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

"A cactus! Darling, you're such a romantic..."

'We want to go where the Geraea canescens grow wild and we can tiptoe through the phacelia crenulata!'

"Do we need change? That's a $100 bill for a $53 check, Mr. Presumptuous."

"Sayyy - you've had some work done!"

"Yes we have dollar drafts, no you can't use your own glass."

'A packet o' crisps, and have one for yersel'.'

Boss has 'will you marry me, Ingrid?' sign and says, 'Fax this until you get a yes.'

'Thanks, Sis, but I think it's my turn to leave the stealth tip.'

One shandy and two glasses of tap water please.

Over. Under. Sideways. Kid.

'This room is a tad small but cozy.'

"Okay, we got one cherry lager, with bitters and a pineapple slice, and one honey malt ale with cinnamon and an orange weist. You want these in steins or parfait glasses?"

'This $10,000 bottle of Bordeaux is also a powerful solvent. It entirely dissolved my savings account.'

In his own way, Todd does his part to save the whales.

"Use less powder. You're planting them too deep."

Make Your Own

Tip responsibly

'I got 50p - how much did you get?'

"But we had stir-fry last night and the night before."

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

"What town are we in??"

'Would you like to start with a drink, a menu, or my gratuity.'

'Fancy a spot of work after drinks?'

5-6 pm: Unhappy hour - mourn the loss of jobs to apps, bots, drones.

'It's that waitress I always leave big tips to.'

"It's my Dad's Birthday. Could you gift wrap it?"

I remember your lousy tip. Enjoy MY trickle-down theory.'

"You can have my doggie bag as a tip."

'Switch me to the cheap stuff when I start talking with my W. C. Fields voice.'