Covert Tipper T-Shirts

'Thanks, Sis, but I think it's my turn to leave the stealth tip.'

HDQTRS division, Motor Pool and Covert Ops.

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

"3:14 p.m. Suspect drives to lakeside resort. Rents rowboat under false name. Tosses evidence into... wait, how do I tell anyone?" Topper: Undercover police dog

"Do we need change? That's a $100 bill for a $53 check, Mr. Presumptuous."

'We have developed an APP we use to import ingredients from the Internet, merge them in the computer, and then download them into the distiller and then just bottle the output.'

'I'm still working on the mystery of how to make a decent living with a tip jar.'

"Yes we have dollar drafts, no you can't use your own glass."

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

'A packet o' crisps, and have one for yersel'.'

One shandy and two glasses of tap water please.

“Sarge, could you please stop trying to hold my hand!”

"This wasn't me, it was the bottle talking."

'This $10,000 bottle of Bordeaux is also a powerful solvent. It entirely dissolved my savings account.'

"I mostly rely on a collection of weird tips I've found on the internet."

'An environmentalist group today petitioned Congress to ban 'Tiptoe Through the Tulips.''

Tip responsibly

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

'Farkleson, you need a vacation — you've been lurking too hard.'

CIA, 'I'm suspended for three months? Great! -- it'll give me time to work on my book!'

'Would you like to start with a drink, a menu, or my gratuity.'

'Fancy a spot of work after drinks?'

'So, does your wrist-wearable wine analyzer have anything so say about that Burgundy, like how to get it out of silk?'

5-6 pm: Unhappy hour - mourn the loss of jobs to apps, bots, drones.

"You can have my doggie bag as a tip."

I remember your lousy tip. Enjoy MY trickle-down theory.'

"I bought this one behind my art consultant's back."

"I prefer the cheap stuff."

'It's that waitress I always leave big tips to.'

'Switch me to the cheap stuff when I start talking with my W. C. Fields voice.'

Harry, I've just had a tip!

"I was only flirting to get..."

'What? You mean I ran all the way here and got all that exercise for nothing?'

'I told you the waiter would remember you gave him a 2 cent tip the last time.'

"You know this is to solve your problems."