Quirky Theologist T-Shirts

Fundamentalist sex ed: people come from ribs, as Adam and Eve.

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

Hot cross buns

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"Sure, I pray all the time... English test, Math test, History test...."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Monk and Bible and Devil Page Marker

'I guess you've noticed that most of these trespasses are reruns.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'A little squirt like Graubart would theorize that the Universe is contracting!'

Albertus Magnus

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'Lately, I've been thinking a lot about evolution. My theory is that it all points to 'survival of the fattest'.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

'I looked, and the Ten Commandments don't say ANYTHING about running with scissors!'

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

"It Works For Us."

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"