Quirky Talent Star Gifts

'Oh, sow some interest! How many 8-year-olds can play the '1812' on a vacuum hose?'

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

Anna Calvi

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

'He's maturing early.'

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

Hi, sweetie! How was the talent show? Did they enjoy your Clay Aiken tribute?

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

Texturing the Walls

"Sorry - He's changed His mind again. Stripes on the zebra, spots on the giraffe, no stars on the lion and make the elephant bigger and the amoebae smaller."

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

"Albert is the first whistler to use hearing aid feedback as an intro to one of his tunes."

"Must you use the cat's litter box to practice your sand trap swing?"

"Somehow, some way, we have to guide these people back to reality!"

Cello player with pencil instead of bow

Weight lifter using his foot to take a photograph.

"And do you have any OTHER skills you can bring to the post apart from being able to burp the Beatles greatest hits?"

"Cliff's really devoted to his art. He'll wait hours for someone to take a shot to the groin."

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

Man playing a harmonica on a exercise bike bores customers in a restaurant

"I didn't have a carrot so I used a fish stick for his nose."

"They'd sold out of #1's."

"Any other skills?"

Annoying xylophone solicitors.

The Dancing Academy

"Hire him. You can't teach shadows like that."

"Well, that's right. It is a disco ball. The regular lamp is in the shop."

"Here's another one about Teddy bears."

A dog whose nose is a gun.

"A Ph.D. in particle physics, experience in aerospace and rocketry...of course I can juggle."

"I see the radiator's Baroque again."

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

Forcing the Rabbit to Eat the Magicians Hat.