Quirky Restaurant Reviewer Gifts

True Lunch

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

Bangers and Mash

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

GMOs: The Next Generation

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

Reserved space is reserved for a dinner table.

"The food was o.k., but the atmosphere was terrible."

Stupid Microwave

"All our vegetables are organic, ethically sourced and stunned before being boiled."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

'...and one 'death by chocolate', Sir.'

Kentucky Fried Horse

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

'Can I have a Banana-Split' without the ice-cream?'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

Amy Sedaris

"Hey, waiter! This homework is burnt to a crisp!"

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius