Quirky Relationship Aficionado Pillows

'I'm worried about him. He's becoming emotionaly involved with the vacuum cleaner.'

"You don't whisper anymore."

Why Cupid is not allowed to drink alcohol anymore...

"I opened the last of the emergency wine."

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

Storage Unit of Love

'You and Phil make a great couple. You're perfect for each other!'

'I even love the way you snore!'

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

Woman finds sensitive mechanic to date.

"I'm gona level with you, Judith, I've spent some time in the pen."

"Legs up to here!"

"I'll tell you what he's got that we haven't - a bigger leaf!"

"I find myself strangely attracted to you."

'You disgust me; but I like it.'

"Our violinist isn't here tonight, but Tony here will be happy to play something romantic on his cymbals for you."

Frankie and Johnny were lovers...

"Steve and I live together, but we're getting indicted separately."

Man Flap

Husband / Wife / On The Side

"Ooh, this one sounds interesting, 'Single, vegetarian, bulbous, with moves like a lava lamp'."

Miss Lonelyhearts Advice to the Lovelorn

101 Positions/101 Excuses

'...and seven years ago I donated one of my kidneys to him. I want it back.'

'Meet my significant other.'

"We met in the Galapagos."

It would be unfair of me to sleep with you to get even with my ex-boyfriend for sleeping with his ex-girlfriend. Life is unfair. Thank goodness!

Near-sighted goose falls in love with saxophone.

Mouse on mouse action.

Your shoulders are like silk. For some reason, when my skin crawls, it feels smooth.

"Uh-oh. I think they're having a Bryn Mawr moment."

Doomed Romance

Tortoise Falls In Love With A Football.

'Who says it has to be tongues?'

"I found you running wild. Ungroomed and lacking social skills. Today, you're a trophy partner."