Quirky Race-goer T-Shirts

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

The devil you know and his plus one

Save the unicorn.

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

Prehistoric Peeps: Even the 'Derby' had its primeval counterpart.

"Must you use the cat's litter box to practice your sand trap swing?"

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

"What do you mean, it's not an educational toy? I'd have to learn to ride it!"

Snail Coach

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

Skier.

'Costume - What costume?'

"Hmm, offhand, I'd say you have a nasty case of tennis elbow!"

'What the . . . no wonder we can't gain any yards. We've been fitted with radio collars...'

'We need someone to walk the plants.'

"Your serve is basically good, it's just you're doing something funny right at the very end."

'Something comfortable and yet… unexpected. I like to run amok.'

Downhill taxidermy never made it past the trial stages of the Olympics.

"It doesn't matter what the score is. When kids play, they play to learn sportsmanship, teamwork and the benefits of physical activity."

Bobsleigh practice.

After 10 years, the great potato race of 1997 was finally declared a tie.

Using a javelin to remove a tooth.

At the coconut shy - "See.. I told you it was a stupid haircut."

'Who's idea was it to run backwards to Christmas for charity?'

"He's come out of retirement!"

Woman watering her plants in the rain.

'Welcome to St Judes Summer Fayre' full of cannabis related items

'The first Santa to consume one thousand warm beers and one thousand pieces of fruit cake without barfing wins the Santa apprenticeship!'