Quirky Quoters Pillows

'Being finicky has nothing to do with taste - it's about power and control.'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

Ostriches making out

"Underweird bras."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"Daddy, why do people pull round pizza from square boxes and cut them into triangles before they eat them?"

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

Plant Parenthood...

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'Is the water cold?'

Ostrich Curoisities

'Edible food! Eeeeedible food!'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Celebrity Phrenologist.

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"If all you have is a whatchamacallit then every problem looks like a thingamajig."

'I've got an amoeba here who wants to go to Officer's Candidate School.'

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"I can never go metric. 'Al's 30.48 Centimeter Hot Dogs' just doesn't sound right."

The Month of June

Why can't you use the brains God gave you? Oh, shoot, I think this is Bob's.

"You've got termites."

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

'I'm typecast!'

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

'The wife has me on a strict 'O Negative' diet.'

Upside down question mark hanging from fishing line.

'It says 'three percent split infititives, 8 percent passive verbs, 16 percent compound-complex sentences,average sentence length 26 words,paperback rights $3.2 million,movie sales $8.3 million,total take $11.5 million,less 5 percent agents fees.'