Quirky Quoters Pillows

'Being finicky has nothing to do with taste - it's about power and control.'

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

Ostriches making out

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Underweird bras."

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

'Edible food! Eeeeedible food!'

Ostrich Curoisities

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'Is the water cold?'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Celebrity Phrenologist.

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'I've got an amoeba here who wants to go to Officer's Candidate School.'

"I can never go metric. 'Al's 30.48 Centimeter Hot Dogs' just doesn't sound right."

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

The Month of June

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"You've got termites."

'I'm typecast!'

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

'The wife has me on a strict 'O Negative' diet.'

"Trust me—sex sells."

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

Upside down question mark hanging from fishing line.