Quirky Quote Seekers Pillows

Kleptomaniacs Anonymous: "The meetings CLOSE at ten o'clock. We don't have a KNOCKING OFF time.'

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

Family members!

'Tell me this - did you have this condition before you sat in the jacuzzi for 100 million years?'

"Static cling."

Unicorn Working From Home

'It's the pink spot, Jim lad - them rascals is going to try and tweak my nipples!'

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

Ostrich Curoisities

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'Goodness, the potholes are deep this year, aren't they?'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Drinking Companions

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

Bear who goes drinking instead of hibernating

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

'See, there are no people in your closet. Now, go to sleep!'

Nit and Flea picking 'Next please...'

"I can never go metric. 'Al's 30.48 Centimeter Hot Dogs' just doesn't sound right."

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

Pioneers of the ancient west

Portrait of Shakespeare smoking.

The Month of June

'You will never require the services of a dating agency.'

"You've got termites."