Quirky Quote Fan Pillows

'The rule is that you should never eat more than you can lift, and you're not allowed to use a pulley.'

"Cat box"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

Introducing...Anagraman.

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

'Check out the old dude.'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"Got any bathtub gin?"

'Pray for me.'

The Pencil and Sharpener

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

Hot cross buns

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

"What if the cat stuck in the tree has a gun? Is that an emergency?"

An Extraordinary Pointer

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"