Quirky-quibblers T-Shirts

No, pal, I don't know if the chicken is free-range.

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

Funky Facts: Football.

A Knight Arrives at a Boiling Lake Filled with Monsters (Don Quixote).

"Daddy, why do people pull round pizza from square boxes and cut them into triangles before they eat them?"

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

Ostrich Curoisities

'Is the water cold?'

"What would you like me to play next?"

Plant Parenthood...

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

Celebrity Phrenologist.

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it' actually a gene-modified flounder.'

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

Why can't you use the brains God gave you? Oh, shoot, I think this is Bob's.

"He's a fussy eater."

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

"You've got termites."

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

Upside down question mark hanging from fishing line.

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

'It says 'three percent split infititives, 8 percent passive verbs, 16 percent compound-complex sentences,average sentence length 26 words,paperback rights $3.2 million,movie sales $8.3 million,total take $11.5 million,less 5 percent agents fees.'

'Am I covered if a car falls on my tree?'

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

"There are mysteries up here on the 13th floor. Like who keeps locking the exit door? Why is that clock always 12 minutes fast? And who actually eats the liverwurst sandwiches from that machine?"

Physicists at the Fourth Grotschlov Conference assembled to determine once and for all if light is a wave or a particle.

Over. Under. Sideways. Kid.

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Celestial Sadie, In the Western sky after sunset, Jupitor can be seen nearly aligned with Venus. What do you make of this? R. Yates. Excellent question. That reminds me of a long lost civilization, in which there was no such thing as a typo. Where no one ever hit the wrong key because they wrote letters by hand. Eventually, it became so obsessed with speed that it began typing everything, and so inconsiderate that it soon stopped bothering to proo

"Does this bird make me look fat?"

The Water Diviner

Wow! — this discredits all my theories.

'I got 50p - how much did you get?'