Quirky Prescription Seeker Gifts

'I've prescribed Anti-Depressants - you'll still be paranoid, but you'll be happily paranoid!'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

Perks

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"Sometimes I wonder about what our patients have to take."

"I think it says 'courgettes'."

"I'm putting you on a stronger placebo."

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

'As I said, the medication won't cure you, but it will make you more comfortable for the duration.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

'Call me immediately if this prescription causes and headaches or hallucinations.'

'Who would like a little judo chop while you're waiting?'

"I had trouble opening the child-proof cap."

RX baseball hat

"My goodness, Mr. Merryweather, we certainly did make a boo-boo with that prescription of yours!"

"Take him home, have sex...Then bite his goddamn head off."

More priceless words of encouragement from the old man.

"I was going to give him accupunture, but on second thoughts..."

"Take two pills every four hours. Or, take four pills every two hours and get better even faster." What he thought he heard.

"The doctor is ready to maltreat you now!"

'Take 3 tablets 200 times a day.'

Man in hospital hitting golf balls into a bedpan.

"Don't chew them. They're supposed to hatch in your intestines."

The high fibre diet

Much needed pharmaceuticals I made in my home

"My boyfriend's fifteen. . . do you have any perfume that smells like pizza?"

"Yesterday it was the other side, but today the side effect is this side..."

'Not exactly what I expected when they announced a random drug screening.'

'There's nothing wrong with me. I just want to ask the doctor if any of these drugs I saw on TV are right for me.'