Quirky Pet Trainer Gifts

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

"My owner's been teaching me how to beg. . . I've made £30 today!"

Polly txt speak

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

'Fetch.'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"I think therefore I am." "Bow Wow, Bow Wow, Bow Wow."

"Hey Lady this is a sixty zone!"

Biofelineism

'Bert's dog training.'

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

"Oh well, I guess I'm lucky that he's not a duck hunter."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

"How long is it since you took Benji for a walk?"

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

'Other dogs howl at the moon, I've trained mine to play Bach.'

Another reason Chihuahuas hate basketball.

"Don't even think about it."

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

"Settle down boy, they're not actual cat-fish."

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

"Let's break the record for non-stop deranged barking."

"I wasn't howling at the moon. I was singing along to my iPod."

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

Pavlov's Puppy

Dog stretching before a walk.

"But this time, Lucky, when I throw the ball... you bring it back!"

'Look, Dad! -- I taught Shep to walk on his hind legs!'

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

Dog Training Academy and the Cat Anarchy Club.

"He ate homework as a puppy but quickly moved onto business journals."