Quirky Pet Trainer T-Shirts

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

"My owner's been teaching me how to beg. . . I've made £30 today!"

Polly txt speak

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

'Fetch.'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"I think therefore I am." "Bow Wow, Bow Wow, Bow Wow."

Biofelineism

'Bert's dog training.'

"Hey Lady this is a sixty zone!"

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

"Oh well, I guess I'm lucky that he's not a duck hunter."

"How long is it since you took Benji for a walk?"

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

'Other dogs howl at the moon, I've trained mine to play Bach.'

Cat Show

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"I wasn't howling at the moon. I was singing along to my iPod."

Dog stretching before a walk.

Another reason Chihuahuas hate basketball.

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

"Let's break the record for non-stop deranged barking."

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"Settle down boy, they're not actual cat-fish."

Pavlov's Puppy

"Don't even think about it."

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

"But this time, Lucky, when I throw the ball... you bring it back!"

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

'You're doing that just to bug me, aren't you?'