Quirky Personality Analyst Pillows

'You're just one of those guys, Neil, that people like more in theory than in practice.'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Real Estate Personals

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

'Listen, Geoffrey ...I know you're a clinical psychologist, but I DON'T have A.D.D. ! You're just incredibly boring.'

'Sheisse ... What ein dream!' - Freud

"What a coincidence! I enjoy sleeping and running around the house for no reason, too."

Bald man with a brush on his head

"My idea of an agreeable person is one who agrees with me."

"Nah. I'm a crow. Some jerk put bleach in the birdbath."

If you were an iceberg...

"We're not all grim you know - I'm a happy reaper."

"You're the 'child psychologist'?"

'I'm worried, Master has suddenly developed a morbid obsession: He asks me to play dead all the time now...'

"And how long have you had this superiority complex?"

"Because you always do that with your fingers."

'Please tell me you aren't my roommate.'

"I'm overbearing, conceited and obsessed with status."

"It's not a sexual thing - I just enjoy dressing up in sheep's clothing."

Saturday was fantasy dysfunctional relationship day.

'Since I also believe you are a rabbit, Mr Curtlow, I am uncertain as to how to proceed.'

We have a lot in common. I'm free range and he's off the leash.

'Oh yeah. . . she's the one that has a great personality.'

'What kind of person are you?! Answer this yes or no question and you'll find out. . . Have you ever dropped food on the floor and went ahead and served it to guests?'

"I'll admit, he may be a bit odd, maybe even creepy. But, he is hands down the best bell ringer we've ever had."

Conclusions Drawn: Still lives at home with Mom and Dad.

'You'll have to excuse my brother. He's a little different.'

Sign on a shopper: 'Yes actually I do own the pavement'.