Quirky News Chaser T-Shirts

I'm calling a press conference. Did you hear me? I've got an important announcement. HOJ. Other people hold press conferences and people pay attention! There will be snacks. I'm listening.

Funky Facts: Monkeys.

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?

'How fast can you hype?'

"We understand you wish to report a crime Madam? I'm Inspector La Garde and this is my able assistant Defective Constable Wallis."

"Things happen so fast. What's news when class starts is history when it ends."

"We made mistakes & have evidently lost the trust of the public. Therefore I feel I must tender my resignation..."

"And now, a breaking story on blatant media bias. Reporting live from Washington, a radical, conservative hack."

Bin Laden

Economics journalist

'...And our extended forecast calls for one #!@*!! thing after another.'

Evolution...the modern-brush fox.

'Sleaze, please.'

'Rumors...'

Funky Facts: A Baby Koala is called?

'I hear there are some mighty big deer in these woods.'

"What will be left for us to chat about if it's ever all over and done with?"

You're just reading the stuff scrolling across the bottom...

Sheen-clown party!

"...while 86 million prefer grilled cheese, and 57.4 million of them like mustard on it."

"The word is a prominent Republican is going to announce that he's not going to run for president..."

Newspapers

Experience the regional flavors of 2163 Pigeonhole Lane.

'...and now over to Humpty Dumpty for breaking news.'

The Ultimate Crime

Pendemonia

You're a hard man to read, Randy. At times, you seem like a cad. A Don Juan. A scoundrel. But at other time, you seem wise. Mature. Supportive. Ladies are most responsive to a "bad guy" to "good guy" ratio of 7 to 6.3756892. My findings have been published in the Oxford Journal of Lovin'.

'Look at this, no trouble anywhere. I want my money back.'

'We made it! We're on the most wanted list!'

Animal Hospital

The press as vultures.

Competitiveness in the press

Journalist reading 'The joy of sex scandals.'