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'...and now over to Humpty Dumpty for breaking news.'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

How a Bill Becomes a Law, 2023

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

New Flavors at Where's the Scoop Ice Cream

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

'The only cuts we can all agree with are their cutting remarks!'

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

US election postal vote controversy

"I know he's funny, boy, but he’s also the president of the United States."

Best Seller in Washington D.C.: Politics for dummies

"Ok, ok, climate change is not a hoax!"

It's 10PM. Do you know who is in control of Pakistan's nukes?

BREAKING FAKE NEWS

The North Portico of the White House runs away crying.

"Our next story should interest all our viewers...it's a real can of worms."

'Mark my words! Our enemies will test this young guy with a huge international crisis as soon as he's electe! But don't worry, he'll be fine!', 'Come here, Joe -- let me give you a nice fist bump!'

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

"I find wearing a mask helps."

Scientist seen on loch.

'The Federal Government today authorized a ten-year study of all its five-year studies.'

'Stocks rose on news that '90% of success is just being there.''

News on TV: 'At last, some good news from Iraq...Saddam's chamber of torture is being converted into a chamber of commerce.'

'This is just a test. I repeat, this is just a test. But then - maybe not!'

Man has a seatbelt and 'calm down tablets' to watch the world news.

'If social security were privatized, the administration also suggested a name change to 'Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld holdings inc.''

"I have to admit Dick Cheney makes a strong argument for torture. But I still think torturing him would be wrong."

It's 10 pm. Do you know why Iraq, aided by Iran, are fighting against Kurds - a major U.S. ally against Isis - in Northern Iraq?"

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

"Good news on Wall Street today"