Quirky Linguist T-Shirts

"Standard equipment includes the Manual Anti-Collision Sonic Warning System...otherwise known as the horn."

'Today I learned a little grammar in the classroom and LOTS of vocabulary on the playground!'

It's not like you to be late... Forgot to set my alarm cock. (Alarm cock? What did you say that for?!)

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Pigeon Little

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

Reverse psychology

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

"Hey, do you want to be in my bubble?"

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'