Quirky Interpreter T-Shirts

"So to summarise our qualitative study results... your product is like a 'rainbow of French squirrels followed by a small popping noise'."

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Dialogue

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

She - Interpreter - He.

Sock Puppet in Literature

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"Daddy, why do people pull round pizza from square boxes and cut them into triangles before they eat them?"

"My nephew Jack here can say ‘I’m unemployed’ in seven languages."

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

"I've written the employees' benefit manual in invisible ink"

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

'Modern romance'

"I speak Latin, you know."

Signing the declaration of independence.

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Ostrich Curoisities

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"To hear the ocean in English, press one. Para Espanol ..."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

School nativity. Boy says: 'If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this drama ...'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

Statue of Liberty

'It says here you can talk trash in five languages.'