Quirky Justice Fan Gifts

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"This man will be kept in police custard."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

Mou...Man trap!

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

Horse draws a baby carriage.

"Why so grim, handsome?"

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

"At least he's honest about it..."

'I see Farmer Grayson is off to dust the crops again!'

'... And I appreciate that you've 'saved the world from certain doom on numerous occasions', but you still have to pay your taxes.'

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

'Your honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'not guilty, but not exactly innocent either'!'

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

Barber does skinhead's haircut with a lawn mower.

"You're lucky you're a U.S. citizen and this is America! The government has generously offered you five free guesses about what you're charged with and where you're going to be secretly detained."

'An injunction against the First Amendment? - Can we DO that?'

You'd think I'd learn after four dates, but I keep running back to her.

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

Top Secret Files

'Must you be so judgemental?'

A throng runs out the courthouse to follow a car that is driving away decorated with a sign that reads "Just Acquitted".

Law 'N' Order

"Do you swear you haven't embroidered the truth in your testimony today?"

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

'Speak of the devil, there's my attorney now.'

'It drives me crazy when people whine about the collapse of the system!'