Quirky Jokes Pillows

'I hear voices doctor, and sometimes I smell their breath!'

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"You left this on our ship."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

Glance Exchange

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Fresh pepper?"

Introducing...Anagraman.