Quirky Investor Humor Pillows

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Symbols of Wall St: bull, bear, Humpty Dumpty.

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

The Contrarian funds

Investments.

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

"He downgraded Apple."

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

We live in turbulent times. Therefore I'm keeping you in turbulent stocks

'My investment club had morphed into a support group.'

Locally Grown Stocks, Farm Fresh CDs, Free Range Annuities.

Animal worries.

The New Square Mile Regulator.

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

Financial Advisor to client: 'Your portfolio still could earn money if you believe in the existence of junk bond elves.'

Sale - All Junk Bonds 50% Off.

The last of the Mom and Pop brokerage houses

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

"You should consider buying."

Large cap funds

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

"This is a penny stock. This is a prime stock and this is a laughing stock."

'The action next week is going to be in bird seed, but if you quote me, I'll deny I said it.'