Quirky Ideas Fan Gifts

Small Business Advisor - Networking

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Introducing...Anagraman.

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

'Check out the old dude.'

"Got any bathtub gin?"

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"Shower beers? Aisle eight."

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Phoenix

The Pencil and Sharpener

Hot cross buns

"But some of my best ideas come while I'm in the litter box."

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

Crash Test Dummy Blues

An Extraordinary Pointer

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

"What if the cat stuck in the tree has a gun? Is that an emergency?"

Mime walking dog passes some invisible dog poop.