Quirky Home Explorer Gifts

A house haunts a man.

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'This one looks unusual. Yes, it's a toilet with an outside house.'

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

' ... and this is the half bath.'

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"Sold For sale Ellie Kopp 1-800-238-7463 Yaffle Realty Stop renting. Buy your boot from a boot."

Beware of the Lawn

"Welcome to the French Quarter!"

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

For sale sign: 'Unique 16th Century cottage. Similar properties wanted.'

If you think that's good, you should see the Pork Sabre!

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'Let's take out a second mortgage and add a pizza garage.'

Define gravity! - Next Exit.

Unnatural History Museum

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

"Frank?"

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

"You rang?"

'Do you realise what a find this is?'

A botched home improvement job.

'Oh, it's perfect, George! And it has termites, too!'

Distilled Elephant

Location, Location, Location - Next 3 exits.

'It's no spelling mistake-the dining room is in the basement.'

"Interesting story behind this one..."

"I think I see it, guys!" "That's a rock." "Look! A dead snake." "Here's an old balloon... I think!" "World's smallest ball of twine."

Institute of the Paranormal: Research Division and Crackpot Division.