Quirky Home Cooks Gifts

Utensils Car Wash

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"Hi, Honey. For dinner we're having Shis Kabob."

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'

"That's a toaster. It's a tanning bed for bread."

The Criminally Insane Gourmet.

'Ralph, I'm gonna' need wings on the fly!'

'Guys, I think this is one of those 'let it go' moments in life when you have to relax and just trust the processor!'

Under strict laboratory conditions extensive research proves that, despite being watched, pots do eventually boil.

"To accompany a dish of Fire Ants, I would recommend a Chateau Condat 92..."

"Occasionally he lobs a brick at the cat."

'Well, duh, here's my problem...instead of non-stick spray, I bought Nun Stick Spray.'

A chef uses a giant utensil to chop a tiny sausage.

"Mmm....say, cookie! What's this garbage you're feeding us?"

"How many times must I tell you, the floor is sloping?"

'Well, that's the last of the garlic repellent.'

'Something in the fridge has gone off.'

'It's stew with a difference tonight - I've fried it.'

"How about supper in the tub tonight, Hon?"

'Mom's a lousy cook.'

"I don't want the burger on a trendy wooden platter, the egg on Welsh slate or, my fries in a terracotta pot - I want soup served in a sock!"

Cutting round an igloo...

Quisine: Exciting New Dishes Inspired By Whatever's Left On Your Shelf

'...So it's an orange orange Roughy smoothie?'

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

Ants take cheese and grater

'Sorry but my disposable income is tied up in a roast in the oven.'

Cuckoo blender