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Utensils Car Wash

'I think I'll go home and eat'

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"Hi, Honey. For dinner we're having Shis Kabob."

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'

"That's a toaster. It's a tanning bed for bread."

'It's a spork!'

Redneck Relative Thanksgiving

The Criminally Insane Gourmet.

'Ralph, I'm gonna' need wings on the fly!'

'Guys, I think this is one of those 'let it go' moments in life when you have to relax and just trust the processor!'

Under strict laboratory conditions extensive research proves that, despite being watched, pots do eventually boil.

"To accompany a dish of Fire Ants, I would recommend a Chateau Condat 92..."

"Occasionally he lobs a brick at the cat."

'Well, duh, here's my problem...instead of non-stick spray, I bought Nun Stick Spray.'

A chef uses a giant utensil to chop a tiny sausage.

'Well, that's the last of the garlic repellent.'

"How many times must I tell you, the floor is sloping?"

Seriously, try leaving them out for a day. They're delicious al dente!

"Mmm....say, cookie! What's this garbage you're feeding us?"

'Something in the fridge has gone off.'

Who wants to lick the swatters.

'Mom's a lousy cook.'

"I don't want the burger on a trendy wooden platter, the egg on Welsh slate or, my fries in a terracotta pot - I want soup served in a sock!"

'It's stew with a difference tonight - I've fried it.'

Cutting round an igloo...

"How about supper in the tub tonight, Hon?"

'...So it's an orange orange Roughy smoothie?'

Quisine: Exciting New Dishes Inspired By Whatever's Left On Your Shelf

I read that book on hot cereal. It started out simmering and bubbling with excitement. It rose to a boiling point but then just got mushy. After that it was just grueling!

Cuckoo blender

Ants take cheese and grater

'Sorry but my disposable income is tied up in a roast in the oven.'