Quirky Health Realist Pillows

This thing on my neck is keeping me awake at night.

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

'Extreme acupuncture.'

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

The little engine who could, but decided not to- 'Ah, the heck with it!'

Toilet roll beauty tips.

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

No crawling sign in the desert.

'As I said, the medication won't cure you, but it will make you more comfortable for the duration.'

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

Forget Your Worries at Velton Corners, Spa.

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.

'You are on a sickie you skiving little...'

"Why should I want to add years to my life when they all come at the end?"

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'

"Odd - you have bad cholesterol, good cholesterol, and some cholesterol that wonders why everyone can't just get along."