Quirky Facts Collector T-Shirts

'This says that under certain conditions cows become combustible... I'd hate to be one of those.'

Before the Internet

Funky Facts: Monkeys.

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"Dinosaurs are cool!"

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

The Month of July

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

Funky Facts: Elephants.

'I'd say your vision is being affected by an arrow through your head, but perhaps you'd like to get a second opinion from an eye specialist.'

Funky Facts: Turtles.

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

The Month of June

'Washington has wooden teeth? -- how did you find that out?', 'It came out in conversation.'

'I'm typecast!'

Did you know a stretched-out intestine can reach all the way to the vending machines> Boy, you learn something new every surgery.

"Sorry, but statistics don't lie: hippopotamus are more dangerous to humans than lions..."

'-but the fire's on the GROUND floor!'

"Trust me—sex sells."

'Mummy, Daddy, this is Wayne. Wayne once sat in a bath full of jelly for 24 hours.'

Don't give up - Surrender.

Evolution...the modern-brush fox.

"It's windy outside. I better not hear you've been hanging out in the grocery store parking lot."

Cedric instantly regretted 'pumping up the jam...'

I told you I lost it in the sun.

"It says here the word 'brandy' comes from a Dutch word meaning burnt wine. At last, something appropriate to serve at one of your barbeques!"

TV Zoo Trivia

"Sure my first quote was less. That was before I found the body in the wall."

'TB or not TB, that is the question.'