Quirky Disease Enthusiast Pillows

"Looks like an advanced version of the bird flu."

Football Crazy strip six

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"Rob is a functioning train wreck."

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

A Mom and Pop Operation

'Well, you have people pox.'

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

"I can't help you with your chronic whistling. You don't need a psychiatrist, you need a musicologist!"

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

Plastic Surgery

"The inspector's not getting older. He's getting odder."

'It's a wonderful new drug...a sort of injectable garlic.'

Circus News

"Odd - you have bad cholesterol, good cholesterol, and some cholesterol that wonders why everyone can't just get along."

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

Square peg in a round hole: 'I say if it feels right, do it.'

"Not that one...the big one on the top shelf!"

'How can he have an attention deficit when he has so many nice things to hold his attention?'

"Oh my god, apple pox!"