Quirky Medical Enthusiast Pillows

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

Plastic Surgery

'Just relax, we'll have that tune out of your head in no time.'

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

A Mom and Pop Operation

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

'When you said you are a hammer-toe specialist . . .'

Preserved head and mobile phone.

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

'You're not my usual doctor.'

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

St Berts - Britain's first open mouth surgery in progress.

Ah ha! Surgeons remove shopping trolley from patient.

"Odd - you have bad cholesterol, good cholesterol, and some cholesterol that wonders why everyone can't just get along."

"Not that one...the big one on the top shelf!"

Sewing for Dummies.

Dr. Potato Head

Patient to pharmacist: 'So, is it contagious?'

"I was going to give him accupunture, but on second thoughts..."

"I had trouble opening the child-proof cap."

'I was skeptical at first, but it really works.'

Acupuncture

"His baldness was way out ofcontrol, so we had to put him into a medically induced comb-over."

"I'll swop you my liver for one of your kidneys."