Quirky Diagnosis Lover Pillows

Quasimodo visits his doctor - "I'm afraid you have Tinnitus!"

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

Quick! 5-second rule!

"I'm gona level with you, Judith, I've spent some time in the pen."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

A Mom and Pop Operation

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

Plastic Surgery

"This part of space feels especially weird right now."

Miss Lonelyhearts Advice to the Lovelorn

Ah ha! Surgeons remove shopping trolley from patient.

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

"Not that one...the big one on the top shelf!"

'How can he have an attention deficit when he has so many nice things to hold his attention?'

'Since I also believe you are a rabbit, Mr Curtlow, I am uncertain as to how to proceed.'

'Very interesting. How many bird calls do you know?'

"Give it to me nuanced, Doc."

Funky Facts: A slug has no teeth, 2 teeth or over 25,000 teeth?

"I had trouble opening the child-proof cap."

'Thank you for verifying your name for us, Doug. We're going to start with some multiple choice questions.'

Dr. Potato Head

"With symptoms like yours, you could be the next Batman!"

"I was going to give him accupunture, but on second thoughts..."

"The doctor is ready to maltreat you now!"

'I was skeptical at first, but it really works.'