Quirky Critique Enjoyer Pillows

"My boss combines the impulsive joie de vivre of Ebenezer Scrooge with the empathy and comradeship of a tarantula. Less hair, though."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Party Twenty Three

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

Nun Fight.

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

My parents ate New York and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

"You know the stories about putting a pair of socks into the washing machine and getting out just one of them...Jones, it seems that we found the hideaway of the second socks!"

Football Crazy strip six

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

"I'm a monster."

Cheesie Rider

"Your animal companionship is here!"

God with Earth Controller

"Overkill, dude."

A planet like ours - "Oh no, last time we got romantic, I ended up having to grow a new head."

'My dentist recommended it.'

Cell phones seem as if they are designed for a T-Rex!

"Oh, I don't do the test myself Sir: Doctor Vampire does it..."

'I'm just curious, which one of you was dropped off by their boyfriend on a really fast motorcycle?'

"Rob is a functioning train wreck."

'I've discovered a talking amoeba!' '2+2=4, 5-4=1, 93=3.' SMASH 'I wanted to get it before it multiplied.'

Mummy Shrink.

"If all you have is a whatchamacallit then every problem looks like a thingamajig."

'This is DESTROYING my manicure, Steve!'

'Yes, Super-Supreme pizza... Delivered please...'

"Curiosity."

The songwriter who wrote a bridge about his bridge.

'What's wrong with you?'

Pianist.

"We're making progress."

'Naw, man! I ain't never worked in no animal hospital...'

Noah's lesser known brother.

So what's your back story? What do you do? Marketing. Downtown. House of Java.net Cybercafe. I'm an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. Heard of it? A baby goes to a restaurants and cafes and tried their food. If he likes it, the eatery gets a glowing online review. If not, curtains! I'm an investor. I'm on the ground floor! Did you only ask about me so you could then talk about yourself? I hear you. You're asking about me. Don't know what's worse: Men, high-tech investors, or the combinat

'I can't tag him, he keeps his watches there.'