Quirky Consultant T-Shirts

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

'Must really be a terrible headache you've got there, Doctor.'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"Okay...tell me again what training seminar we sent Bill to?"

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"Has it occurred to you that you keep getting beaten up because that's your true purpose in life?"

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

Joint Ventures!

Expressions of mystery.

Melvin likes to indulge his inner child.

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

"However, should the need arise at Cyber-Biogenetics, for a trusty sidekick, we have your resume on file."

'What's our stockbroker doing in the shower? Quick! Run and get me a rolled up copy of the Wall Street Journal!'

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

You're making me very angry right now, Al. Did you know that before Rorschach came up with his inkblot test, he had one that involved blood spatters?

"No more Dr Nice guy"

"I've built this business up from scratch. . . "

'The action next week is going to be in bird seed, but if you quote me, I'll deny I said it.'

'A resume painted in oils on canvas? How long have you been out of work?'

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

'Dr. Nackschmerz has a very logical mind.' - 'Yes - in contrast to his body.'

"Alfresco Plumbing & Hardware Supplies"

'A shocking report shows more marriages are ending in divorce than decapitation. Could this be the end of traditional marriage, as we know it? More on that. . .after the break!'

"I'm in advertising. . ."

'I like it.'

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."