Quirky Counselors T-Shirts

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

You were warned about mixed marriages.

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

"Has it occurred to you that you keep getting beaten up because that's your true purpose in life?"

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

You're making me very angry right now, Al. Did you know that before Rorschach came up with his inkblot test, he had one that involved blood spatters?

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

COVID tips from Wild Animals

You have a lot of patients coming to your for counseling! Yeah, I just saw a supernova who is dealing with burnout. Later, I'll see Pluto about his inferiority complex and a black hole who wants to fill a void in its life. Then Hailey's Comet and his wife will discuss why he's rarely there for her. Since your practice went universal it just keeps expanding! You're so busy! Yeah, my head is spinning!

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

'What seems to be the problem?'

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

A Wally Yomp Psychologist...Practice limited to people who are really miffed!

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

'They're both great quarterbacks, but I chose Matt as my starter because he's dating a celebrity!'

"And how long have you had this superiority complex?"

'I'm worried, Master has suddenly developed a morbid obsession: He asks me to play dead all the time now...'

"I regret the day we bought a memory foam mattress."

'No, no, the pills don't have any medication to improve your balance. You'll just get steadier on your feet by trying to catch pills that are thrown to you.'

Off the wall legal advisor.

'I can't enjoy the stuff I steal because I set fire to it all.'

I'm afraid I'm going to have to disciplines you, counselor. No problem, your honor. I just happen to have some furry handcuffs in my pocket.

Your eyelids are growing heavy … No, wait … Better yet, your lips are growing heavy … !!!

'I'm terribly mixed up.'

'Try to keep a straight face when you plead 'not guilty'.'

Saturday was fantasy dysfunctional relationship day.

"I'm going to prescribe you four metres of bubble-wrap three times a day."

'Everyone accuses me of being a 'control freak'.'

'Then it's agreed. You give sun, water and carbon dioxide and in return, you get oxygen.'