Quirky Concert Goer Gifts

Spoonstock.

Anna Calvi

The devil you know and his plus one

Peel poker.

"Albert is the first whistler to use hearing aid feedback as an intro to one of his tunes."

Talent, pluck, or plain dumb luck?

"I'll bet you can't name three of their songs."

'Okay, so it's not a violin, but he is playing our song.'

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

A saxophone player reads music that says, 'Dade, dade, dade, dade, dade, deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' with the eeeeeeees falling off the music stand onto the floor.

Annoying xylophone solicitors.

"Interested in some romantic punk rock during your dinner?"

How to deliver a baby grand.

"Here's another one about Teddy bears."

The Dancing Academy

'Our financial troubles are over, Edna. The fellas and I have formed a boy band.'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"I owe my success to him. I figured, if he can make it, so can I."

Tom Mullica.

'Nest, my impression of Beethoven's sonata inD major, of.31, no.2, as played by Humphrey Bogart.'

Scared sheep visiting a Damien Hirst exhibition.

'Have you got to have a Gimmick.'

'Hey, thanks for comin' out tonight. All these songs are from our new album, which was inspired by a recent trip to the grocery store...'

Adult Magician

The Dangers of Binge Drumming

"The good news is he costs a quarter of what a string quarted would; the bad news is that, of course, he's suffocating."

"They listen to weird music, dress funny and you don't dare go into the bathroom after they've been in there!"

"No-chance the rapper"

There were drastic cutbacks in the orchestra's budget.

Seth Schubert, Concert Harmonicist

Pianist winds key to his piano before concert.

Any last questions about the bright future of Yell? Yes, you there. Me? I wasn't raising my hand. I was waving my phone in the air to show support, like at a rock concert. I guess, though, if I had a question, it'd be how did I get so lucky to invest in a website that publishes restaurant reviews from a screaming baby. Neither ironic, nor a plant. Weird. Can I increase my share? I could invest more if I stop eating.

"I guess I thought 'Andy and the blenders' was a band."