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The devil you know and his plus one

Talent, pluck, or plain dumb luck?

"I'll bet you can't name three of their songs."

"Albert is the first whistler to use hearing aid feedback as an intro to one of his tunes."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

'Okay, so it's not a violin, but he is playing our song.'

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

A saxophone player reads music that says, 'Dade, dade, dade, dade, dade, deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' with the eeeeeeees falling off the music stand onto the floor.

The Dancing Academy

Annoying xylophone solicitors.

"Interested in some romantic punk rock during your dinner?"

"Here's another one about Teddy bears."

How to deliver a baby grand.

'Our financial troubles are over, Edna. The fellas and I have formed a boy band.'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"I owe my success to him. I figured, if he can make it, so can I."

Scared sheep visiting a Damien Hirst exhibition.

The Dangers of Binge Drumming

"The good news is he costs a quarter of what a string quarted would; the bad news is that, of course, he's suffocating."

"They listen to weird music, dress funny and you don't dare go into the bathroom after they've been in there!"

'Have you got to have a Gimmick.'

'Hey, thanks for comin' out tonight. All these songs are from our new album, which was inspired by a recent trip to the grocery store...'

"No-chance the rapper"

There were drastic cutbacks in the orchestra's budget.

"I guess I thought 'Andy and the blenders' was a band."

The Fifth Annual Crow Convention - "If you ask me, I reckon it looks like a murder!"

Pianist winds key to his piano before concert.

Seth Schubert, Concert Harmonicist