Quirky Complainer Gifts

"Waiter, there's a greenfly in my soup!"

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"Daddy, why do people pull round pizza from square boxes and cut them into triangles before they eat them?"

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

Ostrich Curoisities

#notblessed

"You don't look a day over 30,000."

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

"I finally have an ailment that isn't so bad that I'm worried, but bad enough for me to complain about constantly"

95 Theses That Will Blow Your Mind!

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

Welcome to Yosemite, Hell on Earth!

'Am I covered if a car falls on my tree?'

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

I've got a problem – with me. Counseling costs extra. I always hated BMW owners. But one day I woke up and realized I drive a Saab. People who vacation in the Hamptons give me hives, but I've got a summer spot in Santa Cruz. I protested against big corporate oil companies … wearing a North Face jacket and Nike high tops! Don't you realize what I've become? I'm an upwardly mobile hippy! Death to the huppy. Hates fancy coffee drinks, loves soy milk.

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Celestial Sadie, In the Western sky after sunset, Jupitor can be seen nearly aligned with Venus. What do you make of this? R. Yates. Excellent question. That reminds me of a long lost civilization, in which there was no such thing as a typo. Where no one ever hit the wrong key because they wrote letters by hand. Eventually, it became so obsessed with speed that it began typing everything, and so inconsiderate that it soon stopped bothering to proo

'Waiter, a café with chairs, tables and two coffees please!'

'Sure I had the world on a string, sittin' on a rainbow, but my finger turned blue and my hemorrhoids were killing me!'

Wow! — this discredits all my theories.

"Where does it hurt?"

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

Frequently Asked Questions

STRIP Hambone: Techinical support in layman's terms #2

"Don't worry about me. I can be unhappy just about anywhere."

"What has one horn and gives milk?"

"How long have you been delusional?"

Dog reading catalog with impish grin.

'I hope you find something that's worth complaining to my friends about.'

'You know, this work is misery, but I really like the people I work with.'

I have my suspicions about him.

'I'm afraid your complaining is chronic.' - 'I want a second opinion!!'

'You can contact us 3 ways: an email that will be trashed, a fax that will be buried, and a letter which will be lost.'

'The alarm didn't go off, my car wouldn't start, missed the bus, my back's aching, haven't had a raise in two years ...'