Quirky Companion Pillows

"Do you know how distracting it is when you spin the chamber on that revolver?"

"It's our fault. We put out milk & cookies and now we can't get rid of him."

Love is Love

In the Final Analysis

"What they hell are we looking at."

"The words 'complete screwball' are not in my vocabulary."

"The saving grace of living with someone who has AD/HD is that any arguments you have over it never last very long."

"Helen's career as an emotional support chicken would soon be cut short. Hey, Bryan. What's with the side-eye? Bryan. Bryan. Bryan..."

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

Sinlge-white-male seeking single-female who enjoys, silence, long long walks, and scorpions.

'Don't worry, with me around, you'll never be flystruck again...'

"No-one nit picks like you..."

White Cat Dancing

"I love you, you big fool."

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

Why Cupid is not allowed to drink alcohol anymore...

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

"He was a dog person, I was a cat person, the answer was a ferret."

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

"Lap fish..."

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

'Okay, I see it now...lame in the third hind leg on the left side!'

Woman keeping a chicken in her room for fresh eggs

Upper East Side Dog Park

"We have to stop meeting like this – people are starting to talk ‘psychiatric ward.’"

Giraffe Selfie

Penguin Remote

"I've already made arrangements to be flushed down the toilet."

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

"I guess people want dogs with no problems. Lucky for me, all I've got is quirks."

"What is it about a tee shirt cannon that says 'foreplay' to you?"

Priest with the Pet Devil.

'I like to wear women's collars.'

Fish in Water Cooler.