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"Just so you know: If this elevator breaks down, I have no problem cannibalizing your body for my survival."

Too Much Information Counter

'The school bus drove off without me. The driver said she couldn't allow one more peanut butter sandwich on her bus.'

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

"Why so grim, handsome?"

Horse draws a baby carriage.

My Spam Sketchbook

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"Is the garbage fresh?"

'Not only do we have no natural enemies we have no natural friends.'

It's A Breeze

Kidnapping Lord Haw-Haw

"The usual."

21st century fish, evolving or mutant?

'I see Farmer Grayson is off to dust the crops again!'

"I think he just ashed on me."

Great, the skeletons of all the other cartoon characters who were here before us.

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

Top Secret Files

I know. Isn't it funny how people and their pets start to look alike?

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

You'd think I'd learn after four dates, but I keep running back to her.

Cat art exhibition.

'Have you been feeding him cat food again?'

Barber does skinhead's haircut with a lawn mower.

'Going up?'

'I finally got my pouch pierced.'

'...and I also feel guilty for smelling up your office.'

Jim Jr. never felt like he fit in with the rest of his family.

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"