Quirky Chef Fan Pillows

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

Bangers and Mash

'I think I'll go home and eat'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

GMOs: The Next Generation

"Shower beers? Aisle eight."

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

Stupid Microwave

Amy Sedaris

Kentucky Fried Horse

'Can I have a Banana-Split' without the ice-cream?'

"So, I went into this fancy new butcher shop and they were selling ostrich of all things!"

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

"Hi, Honey. For dinner we're having Shis Kabob."

"Is it me, or would a dung beetle taste really good right now?"

"Tastes great, less killing!"

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'

"It's something I made myself - chocolate covered veggies."

Artichoking victim

"That's a toaster. It's a tanning bed for bread."

'White beetroot?' 'I bleached them.'

'It's a spork!'

The Criminally Insane Gourmet.

'Ralph, I'm gonna' need wings on the fly!'

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

Early bird special - Grilled Pterodactyl.