Quirky Celebrant Pillows

"It's OK, darling - Granny's crying happy tears."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

The devil you know and his plus one

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Fred, Sam, Brian, John, Walter, Jeff...."

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

French Animal Noises.

Celebrate National Submarine Day.

"Happy new year!"

"Dammit, Hopkins... It's the fiscal new year!"

"You're not supposed to throw tinned rice!"

Sal's Birthday Cart

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'

'I've got the bill if it's too small.'

"This is one time of year we count our blessings. . . and not our calories."

"I love what you've done with that punch bowl Reginald!"

Castaways at Christmas

"For trick or treating, I'm dressing up as Billy Graham and going witnessing door-to-door."

"Picture this: it's my birthday, my mistress comes towards me with a cake and then, she sets it alight! I was so scared I've been feral ever since!"

Crater Lake Annual Yogurt Guzzle! This year's flavor: Raspberry Marijuana.

A sign in the front window of a bookstore says "Meet the Pope 2 p.m."

Dog bone Christmas tree

A Redneck Christmas

'...46 and still have Principles...'

Funeral - congratulations 1000th customer!

St. Patricks Day Burlesque

Easter Bunny with a Stick and a Carrot.

"Cool! I just scored us tickets to the next Leveraged Buyout-A-Palooza!"

'This year I did it the other way around...I first celebrated the New Year and then Christmas...Nobody noticed.'

Man toasting man: 'To our health insurers.'

Happy Birthday

55th Birthday

Sexy Christmas.