Quirky Banker Gifts

"We fire pound coins at each other at high speeds and hope for the best ..."

"We've got an application from a bank asking if we'd like to sponsor a branch."

Bank Checking. Ah, just the person we wanted to see. The good news is we've named a computer glitch after you.

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

Animal worries.

Dog Bookends

"You should consider buying."

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

The last of the Mom and Pop brokerage houses

Locally Grown Stocks, Farm Fresh CDs, Free Range Annuities.

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

'Finzter, our newest investment adviser, believes that money can make you happy.'

At The Clown Bank.

Stock Market Psychology: 'Buy with the leftside of your brain, sell with the rightside!'

Gracie's Halloween Candy Exchange.

'One look at you and I thought 'footsie world stock fund.''

Low-Rent Stockholders

'I'm doomed anyway, so I may as well make the most of it...'

"In my family we're forbidden from mentioning my uncle...he made his money with cat food stocks!"

"That guy is incredible! He's coaxed the fish to invest 20,000 bucks...in catfood stocks!"

'The first step toward wisdom is accepting that no one knows exactly when to 'buy low' and 'sell high'.'

"The tooth fairy direct-deposited your quarter."

Business Fairy Tales.