Quirky Ancestry Explorer Gifts

"And these are my ancestors, Sir Cecil the Chicken-Hearted and Sir Stanley the Stinky...we don't talk about them a lot!"

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'The big feet come from your side of the family.'

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

Lowbrow Lolita

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

'There's no stigma in being brought up by apes - I was an adopted child too.'

"Mum, just curious: when you did the family tree, did you research all the way back to our ancestors on Noah's ark?"

Man: 'My family tree is infested with termites.'

"Hi everyone, thanks for channeling in to help me with my ancestry project."

The Shy Nudist Camp.

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

Planet of the Ants

"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."

I don't like the look of that fish! Can I help it if it had ugly parents?

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

"Your DNA test came back – you're 49% from the Amazon, 49% from the Caribbean, and 2% from some plastics plant in Texas."

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

"Albert Morris? But I've spent the last six months researching Alberta Morris?!"

'I've traced out family tree back to some lizards in the Mesozoic era.'

"Just your resume. We're not interested in the DNA testing."

"Don't bother wasting your money on DNA testing. The results all come back, 'Ape.'"

'Last year Frank tried tracing back his roots but came back empty!'

Boris Johnson related to Mummy

"I traced my family tree. This is it."

"Let's see now...genealogy books...genealogy books..."

'I started a family tree too, but I gave it up fairly quickly: Way too many relatives...'

Dysfunctional Family Tree.

"...then I take out one of these, ll them it's an ancestor, and try to sell it to them."

Franklin Pierce

"You're the hardest client we've ever had."

'We've traced you back to the cartoonist who drew you.'

"Wow. I share DNA with Moby Dick!"

'I come from a long line of Sunday roasts...'