Quirky Ancestry Explorer T-Shirts

"And these are my ancestors, Sir Cecil the Chicken-Hearted and Sir Stanley the Stinky...we don't talk about them a lot!"

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'The big feet come from your side of the family.'

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

Lowbrow Lolita

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

'There's no stigma in being brought up by apes - I was an adopted child too.'

Planet of the Ants

"Hi everyone, thanks for channeling in to help me with my ancestry project."

The Shy Nudist Camp.

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

"Mum, just curious: when you did the family tree, did you research all the way back to our ancestors on Noah's ark?"

Man: 'My family tree is infested with termites.'

"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

"Your DNA test came back – you're 49% from the Amazon, 49% from the Caribbean, and 2% from some plastics plant in Texas."

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

I don't like the look of that fish! Can I help it if it had ugly parents?

"Albert Morris? But I've spent the last six months researching Alberta Morris?!"

'I've traced out family tree back to some lizards in the Mesozoic era.'

Boris Johnson related to Mummy

'Last year Frank tried tracing back his roots but came back empty!'

"Don't bother wasting your money on DNA testing. The results all come back, 'Ape.'"

"I traced my family tree. This is it."

"Just your resume. We're not interested in the DNA testing."

"Let's see now...genealogy books...genealogy books..."

'I did our branch of the family tree. Turns out we're birch and northern pine.'

'I started a family tree too, but I gave it up fairly quickly: Way too many relatives...'

7 Reasons You Might Be Irish. . .

Dysfunctional Family Tree.

'We've traced you back to the cartoonist who drew you.'

'I come from a long line of Sunday roasts...'

"...then I take out one of these, ll them it's an ancestor, and try to sell it to them."

"Wow. I share DNA with Moby Dick!"

DNA Tests. Discover your ancestry. That was great! I love taking a science test where it's not possible to give a wrong answer.