Quirky Abode Enthusiast Pillows

'Well, what do you think?!'

Cake Free Zone

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

"Sold For sale Ellie Kopp 1-800-238-7463 Yaffle Realty Stop renting. Buy your boot from a boot."

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

Rogue elephant

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Leonardo Da Vinci's Cat

Snow globe

'Don't say it! You're going to ask me if I notice anything different in here.'

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

'We live in a designer trainer.'

Carnations.

Shoe house.

'Let's take out a second mortgage and add a pizza garage.'

"Butt cracker"

'Are there any new species more efficient than neons, such as compact fluorescents or LEDs?'

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

Arrow Church

Carpet salesman, "There's a bit of tyre damage, but not so anyone would notice."

'Oh, it's perfect, George! And it has termites, too!'

'Pointless Pets: A ceramic tiled giraffe.'

'It's no spelling mistake-the dining room is in the basement.'

"The one's an en suite and the other's a walk-in wardrobe."

'Uh, nich tchotchkes, sir.'

Spaceman with a vacuum cleaner in space

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE DECOR

'I won't bother you, Mr. Gridley... I just wanted to see how it would feel to walk barefoot on your plush carpeting...'

WInter Fish

Have you seen this toaster?