Quippy Commentator Pillows

'They're called 'ladies in waiting,' not 'those broads downstairs'!'

"If I had that much money to give to the democratic party, I'd be a Republican."

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

'My dentist recommended it.'

Expressions of mystery.

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

Art Gallery.

Death Watch

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

Justice for a heckler.

Do you believe in money at first sight?

'I like it.'

'A shocking report shows more marriages are ending in divorce than decapitation. Could this be the end of traditional marriage, as we know it? More on that. . .after the break!'

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

People want as much government as they deserve.

Poking gentle fun at the company in the blog wasn't meant to include saying that the chief exec had a face like a baboons bottom.

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

"Larry, did you water the plant?"

"No, the guy who had this job before me didn't retire - he escaped."

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

Our staff are very pleased, she's one of the brightest in her class. (What do you expect? I'm a genius!) I don't know where she gets it from...

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

"Once you get past the divine right of kings, I'm not much into theology."

"Thanks, but no thanks -- Valentines just lead to the hard stuff."

GPs press for sick note reform