Quippy Commentator Pillows

'They're called 'ladies in waiting,' not 'those broads downstairs'!'

"If I had that much money to give to the democratic party, I'd be a Republican."

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

'My dentist recommended it.'

Expressions of mystery.

'What a gyp! Yesterday, after I got fixed, I put my testicles under my pillow, and all I got was a quarter!'

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

Death Watch

Do you believe in money at first sight?

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

Justice for a heckler.

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

Art Gallery.

'A shocking report shows more marriages are ending in divorce than decapitation. Could this be the end of traditional marriage, as we know it? More on that. . .after the break!'

'I like it.'

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

Poking gentle fun at the company in the blog wasn't meant to include saying that the chief exec had a face like a baboons bottom.

People want as much government as they deserve.

The Phenomenon of Absolute Power, Expressed as a Geometric Curve.

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."

"While a cure for curiosity remains elusive, it continues to take a deadly toll."

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

"No, the guy who had this job before me didn't retire - he escaped."

"Larry, did you water the plant?"

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

Our staff are very pleased, she's one of the brightest in her class. (What do you expect? I'm a genius!) I don't know where she gets it from...

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

"Once you get past the divine right of kings, I'm not much into theology."