Quippy Collector Pillows

Penfriend

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

Larry's used art

Seagiraffes

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

Toadstools

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

Raincloud Umbrella

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

Piranhaclaus

"Sorry. I just find rotating my head helps me to relax during the test."

Duck Hunt

Thinks he's too cool for school.

Early cyborg.

Igor hesitated - "You give me that silly old brain, and i'll give you these magic beans!"

"I don't know about you, but it always makes me feel kinda special."

Best before 65 million BC.

Ralph spent his Sundays in the park gathering nuts.

"Trust me, this is as weird for me as it is for you."

A man walks his dog wearing a cone.

Letter Collecting Nerd

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

Ice shelfie.

"Oh, I'm thrilled with my new dog! He's sort of a hunter/retriever/plumber/electrician."

"Now, why didn't I think of that?"

"I don't think our smart home likes the color we painted it. It keeps spitting it out."

'Anorak anoraks'.

A trevor of trainspotters

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

Dog selling toilet water on front lawn

'Don't you think it's just a little weird to have a cemetery for houseplants?!'

Inflating Boobs.